Pros
- I made it to my ATOS appointment without totally bailing. While this was due in no small part to lil-sis agreeing to accompany me, I'm still proud of myself for going.
- I've been using my bus pass and trying to go out of the house as many days a week as I'm up to. Often this is just to Asdas (which is where the trolley bag comes in so very handy) but it's still getting out of the house.
- I've been over to Edinburgh three times. The first time, just before I received my bus pass, was to the January spinning guild meeting. Bro-in-law drove me over with the for-sale Traddy in the back and me a nervous wreck. I made it through okay without too much stress but on the way home after I completely ran out of spoons and ended up bailing on dinner with big-sis and bro-in-law.
- The second time was after I'd received my pass. I went over to the Edinburgh museum with lil-sis and Niece3. We saw the Vikings exhibit (really good btw!) and although I ran out of spoons a couple of times, I had my new thermos filled with tea and I could just sit and have a cuppa for a bit. Explained to lil-sis what was up and it all worked out fine. We had a good time and then came home.
- The third time I went to the February Guild meeting on my own. I dealt with the buses over there and back by myself. I found the venue with only a little panic. I remembered the faces (and some names) of people I'd talked to the previous month. I interacted well. Then I went back into the City Centre and on a whim joined the Edinburgh City Library. I briefly checked out the new Manga Mania shop. And then I came home.
- At the ATOS assessment I was a nervous wreck. My memory completely failed and lil-sis had to help me answer some of the most basic questions. My stutter became quite pronounced and I was shaking so hard I had difficulty even holding the cup of hot chocolate from my thermos. My lack of spoons afterwards was so bad that on the last bit of going home lil-sis had to take my bags. If I'd been alone just for that bit (let alone any of the rest of it) I probably would have sat down by the side of the road, called for a taxi to take me the last 10 minutes of walking time, and cried the whole way.
- I got a new mobile (an HTC Desire C). While this has been a very good thing by itself, I have become completely dependent on it for mp3, books, internet, even movies - all the things I'd been using as crutches for coping with the world. I'm afraid of the battery dying and I'm spending an alarming amount of time contemplating additional power supplies for my new God.
- I've almost stopped crocheting and spinning, at least compared to my usual enthusiasm. I just don't seem to have the energy for it. Due in great part to....
- After the ATOS assessment, all three trips to Edinburgh, and a few other excursions as well, I was so drained of spoons that I was pretty much a lifeless zombie for the next 2-3 days. I don't even remember much about those days, just that Mum had to keep reminding me to eat, and had to ask if I'd taken my meds. This lifelessness doesn't seem to show any signs of going away, even though Psych said it was a process of building up my immunity to going out again.
