Emotional Ups and Downs

I was over in Edinburgh today. Returned the non-functional scrapbooks to Hobbycraft, blew the store credit straight off, and made it to Stampers Grove for the first time. Returned home really tired, but happy that I'd gotten stuff done.

There was an email waiting for me from the Equality Network, a general mailing advertising a part-time position. I'd love to work with them, and eagerly clicked into the application pack link. And in the "Demands" section there's this...

"The post holder must be able to deal effectively with a wide variety of people."

The post is for a Communications Officer, so it's perfectly reasonable really. But up until that point it was info about basically social media work and good organisational skills, which I can do. But I'm pretty damn sure that breaking down into a stuttery mess whenever I get even a bit stressed does not count as "dealing effectively". Even though I'd only just heard about the position I just felt utterly crushed and near tears. Perfect time to blog, wouldn't you say? 

John Lewis Cake Day

Back at the start of the year, a Raveller gave a tip off that folks who have the John Lewis membership card get vouchers for free tea and cake each month. I signed up and sure enough the vouchers came in the post! After I tried out this awesome offer I passed on the news to the family but so far my little sister has been the only one to take it up. Last month we went through together for the first time and enjoyed a leisurely tea and I nommed down on luxury cheesecake while she enjoyed a ginormous scone with clotted cream and jam. Today we're going through again for what will probably become our monthly tea and cake day. :-)

I feel like we've grown a bit closer since we both started scrapbooking. There is always something to talk about or a future event to consider. Today will feature the Works, Pound land, and Hobbycraft, all in search of scrappable sundries.

Offline Syndrome

I have decided to coin a new phrase - Offline Syndrome. A condition afflicting depressives who interact heavily online who suddenly withdraw from these interactions. "Not having the spoons to reply" or "I'm still lurking" being used as excuses for this withdrawal. I don't know why I never chalked it up to depression before. If I suddenly stopped talking to people in my IRL relationships it would obviously be sign of a flare-up. Anyway, just as I would endeavour to make myself talk, I shall be making an effort to engage again across the spectrum on my digital social sphere. I'm sorry if I worried you.

Glasgow School of Yarn

Backdated post - 18/19 October

GSoY was great. Two days of happy chaos followed by five of being weak is an overcooked noodle, recouping borrowed spoons.

I suppose the two big things were divided into one mental/emotional and one financial/crafty. The first was that asides from the time I spent volunteering, I also made an effort to spend as much time as spoons allowed with friends and other Ravellers. I did my best to not stutter and I borrowed heavily on future spoons as well as exhausting the 'spoon savings' I'd built up in advance. But it was definitely worth it. I had a lot of fun and really felt like I got to know everyone a bit better.

The second was the time I spent at the carder demos and later talking to Wrigglefingers Jill and Hilltop Katie. I got a much better understanding of what you can do with a drumcarder and what I was looking for in a carder. I also got the tip-off regarding Classic Carders which resulted in me moving forward plans for my own purchase. I think this will really help advance the things I want to learn/do with my spinning, and eventually save me quite a few pennies in the long run.

Thank you to everyone I spoke to for helping me have such an enjoyable early birthday. It was truly worth every minute. Here's a picture of my haul.

New toys

So over the past few months I have managed to accumulate more "toys" than I've had in the past few years, the most noticeable one being the tablet that I'm typing this blog on right now. I love it, I've been using it for everything from reading books and manga to teaching myself to play backgammon and Go. It's also been great for reading crochet patterns and has a great post it app for my to-do list, which includes reminders to take my meds and attend appointments.

My beautiful new camera was a purchase from a few months ago, and has already performed well at a wedding, as well as getting some cracking up-close shots of birds. I've added a tripod and a pop-up studio tent (with the idea being actually getting off my lazy butt with listing things on eBay and etsy). Just today I also placed an order for a great camera bag thing since there's no point in having the tripod if I don't have the means of taking I out and about. Especially I'd like to take some photos of the beauties of Scotland, particularly for my friends abroad.

Then last week, after hearing from folks at the Glasgow School of Yarn that Classic Carders - the company that makes the fantastic drumcarders that I've been lusting after - had become successful enough to require vat registry, I made the plunge and ordered mine before the prices jumped by 20%. Here's a photo I swiped from their site of what mine will look like as it doesn't arrive till Friday.

I'm not being naughty though. The carder will be my Christmas present from Pyro. Honest.

Fife Guild and Inkle Weaving

I try to go to two Guilds every month, the East Central Scotland Guild (aka Fife Guild) and the Edinburgh Guild. They both require taking a couple of buses to get to, but I feel they are eminently worth it. The Guilds often run workshops to teach members about various aspects of weaving, spinning, and dyeing. Today there was a workshop on inkle loom weaving. For a crafter with an active interest in premodern crafts I was naturally the first to sign up. Since there was no way for me to get a borrowed inkle loom home, I co-warped another members loom (she'd never used it before herself) and I learned a lot about the whole process, enough to be confident in trying it by myself some day. I quite fancy have an inkle-woven watch-strap or perhaps as a strap for my camera!

Bruce Festival 2013

24/09/2013 Backdated Post

Today was the annual Bruce Festival in Dunfermline Glen. If you haven't been to this you really should! Dunfermline has a particular air about it - especially this part of the town, the "old town" -  that only comes from a deep history. Dunfermline was the ancient capital of Scotland, before the castle at Edinburgh was even built. The old palace is now a ruin, beautiful and ancient.

The Bruce Festival celebrates some of that history with a medieval fayre. Jousting, falconry, and weapons displays blend with a living village and the more modern craft stalls and specialist food stalls. It's the kind of event you can take the whole family to, relaxing the full day, or go by yourself and cram everything into an afternoon.

Elle in the stocks - my sister was only too happy to take a photo...

The wonderful Peggy of Ravenstonz in the Crafts Marquee

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Some of my favourite Ravenstonz treasures

Moniak! I love that they dress as monks when they come to these fayres

Trebuchet models

And a real life one!!!

 

A medieval "witch" with a chest full of medicines

Tablet weaving. I have a set of tablet cards myself, but never gotten around to using them

Peregrine - fastest bird of prey. So fast the only time I could photo it was when it was on the ground!

Buzzard - this particular one had a habit of perching on the falconer!

A luceteer. Had been using an outmoded stick method.

But I taught her fast-grab. She was much happier!

This lovely lady is responsible for giving me my five minute intro to drop spindling two years ago.

An embroiderer. She had some fantastic examples of her work.

A shirt fit for a viking prince!

Close up on one of the details.

I took so many photos - these are just some of my favourites. It really was a great day out.

Moment of sheer stupidity #3547

Yesterday I was finally able to spin and ply the soay-cross fleece I’d been working for a local sheep-farmer. Sat in front of the telly spinning on my Joy quite happily. When it came time to ply I smugly set up the two spun bobbins in the built-in lazy kate, an empty third bobbin all prepped, and started plying - my first time plying on my pretty new Joy.

There was zero uptake.

I adjusted the tension. No difference. I oiled the flyer shaft. No difference. The bobbin just would not turn to pull on the yarn.

Finally, I gave up and carted my Country Spinner 2 down to the living room to do the ply, my Joy sitting to one side silently mocking me. Afterwards I went to bed feeling rather down. When I woke up this morning, I knew instantly what had gone wrong.

I’d forgotten to reverse the brake band!

Like a lot of spinners, I have a single spring on my brake band. This stops the bobbins uptake if you accidentally start spinning the wrong way. You have to reverse the direction it takes over the bobbin if you want to ply.

Oops.

Beach Forage at Tammys

11th August 2013 - Backdated Post

Went to Carnoustie at Tammys invite to go beachcombing with some of the Dundee Mooters. It was a really great day - gorgeous weather, beautiful beach (with tons of shells and even hagstones!) and after a lovely long walk we headed back to Tammys house where she'd prepared delicious lentil and bacon soup for us all. I'd contributed a lovely crusty loaf (courtesy of Tescos) and a couple of cakes mysteriously appeared too. It was a reminder of times in Glasgow with potluck lunches and pagan happiness, a fresh page with a new place and new friends. It was very good.

Tammy - Our Hostess With The Mostess

Amazing Rock-Wave on Beach

Beautiful view over the rock-pools to the North Sea

The Happy Band of Beachcombers

The Great Weightloss Challenge

I'm not one for weightloss normally. I believe in being healthy, not being skinny. But since I got put on the anti-epileptic meds my weight has climbed dramatically and it's now far from healthy. True, a portion of that was due to cake (see, admitting you have a problem is the first step! :D ) but I generally need to bring my weight back down. So severe cut-back on all the sweet stuff. Increase the fruit and veg. And increase the exercise. I've created a ticker just to embarrass me into pursuing this wholeheartedly.

So if you see me chowing down on something naughty, just give me a disapproving look and ask how many I've had in the last week.

There But For The Grace...

Next Door has a daughter the same age as me. After I got my epilepsy diagnosis her Mum told us she had started having seizures - lots of them. She started jumping through the same hoops I had to, but the seizures were so frequent and so severe that she wound up in hospital in a coma for a few days. Yesterday they got the news that she has a large mass on her brain, although they don't know what kind yet or what kind of treatment they'll be attempting.

Remember when I was saying it could be worse? This is the worse. This is why there was a part of me in all that morass of upset about the diagnosis that was painfully glad of the reprieve.

Today I took my tablets and swallowed them gratefully.

Progress Update

I'm coming to a close on my therapy. Just three more sessions left. My therapist is very happy with my progress so far and I have to admit I am too. I'm no longer subconsciously afraid of leaving the house. I'm going out four or five times a week, at least to Asdas. I'm working on relying less on my coping mechanisms (I had developed a whole selection to allow me to shut myself off within my own head at need). I'm stuttering less, although it becomes really obvious when I'm stressed still, or faced with a sudden confrontation. My memory lapses are still continuing, although if I can stay calm I can sometimes work around them. And between a super-comfy recliner chair we got for me before Christmas, and my new mobile smartphone (with internet! and Japanese apps! and all sorts!!!) I'm spending a lot more time downstairs with the family too. This progress has all been marked by increased shows of trust from the family (which I don't think they realise they're doing) like being trusted on my own with Niece3, or being trusted to go pick up my lil sis when she takes a funny turn.

In six weeks, when I have my last therapy appointment, I'll be relying more than ever on the supporting framework of friends and family that I've been working on coming back into touch with.

RAK3 went off successfully. Technically I'd probably only count it half a RAK since I was selling a spinning wheel to a student in London who wanted very badly to progress from spindle to wheel but had a very limited budget. I had taken in an abused Traddy in early December and fixed it up beautifully. I sold it to her for about half what it would have fetched on ebay. That was the RAK part. I hope she gets a lot of joy from it - I know mine has brought me a whole new chapter of life!

My epilepsy meds are reaching their final dose level. They seem to be working okay. I'm still getting shakes, very very occasional absences, and a single small seizure, but the heavy twitches/jerks have gone, there's been no more big seizures, and the absences are much less frequent.

So all-in-all I think it's been a rather good sequence of improvements.  

Dealing with Getting Better

It's been a little over a month since my last post. Since then I've had several incremental increases in my epilepsy meds, received my bus pass, and had my ATOS assessment. I also got myself a bright lime green trolley bag (as in, what grannies use to go shopping) which has been a lifesaver.

Pros

• I made it to my ATOS appointment without totally bailing. While this was due in no small part to lil-sis agreeing to accompany me, I'm still proud of myself for going. 
• I've been using my bus pass and trying to go out of the house as many days a week as I'm up to. Often this is just to Asdas (which is where the trolley bag comes in so very handy) but it's still getting out of the house. 
• I've been over to Edinburgh three times. The first time, just before I received my bus pass, was to the January spinning guild meeting. Bro-in-law drove me over with the for-sale Traddy in the back and me a nervous wreck. I made it through okay without too much stress but on the way home after I completely ran out of spoons and ended up bailing on dinner with big-sis and bro-in-law. 
• The second time was after I'd received my pass. I went over to the Edinburgh museum with lil-sis and Niece3. We saw the Vikings exhibit (really good btw!) and although I ran out of spoons a couple of times, I had my new thermos filled with tea and I could just sit and have a cuppa for a bit. Explained to lil-sis what was up and it all worked out fine. We had a good time and then came home. 
• The third time I went to the February Guild meeting on my own. I dealt with the buses over there and back by myself. I found the venue with only a little panic. I remembered the faces (and some names) of people I'd talked to the previous month. I interacted well. Then I went back into the City Centre and on a whim joined the Edinburgh City Library. I briefly checked out the new Manga Mania shop. And then I came home. 

Cons

• At the ATOS assessment I was a nervous wreck. My memory completely failed and lil-sis had to help me answer some of the most basic questions. My stutter became quite pronounced and I was shaking so hard I had difficulty even holding the cup of hot chocolate from my thermos. My lack of spoons afterwards was so bad that on the last bit of going home lil-sis had to take my bags. If I'd been alone just for that bit (let alone any of the rest of it) I probably would have sat down by the side of the road, called for a taxi to take me the last 10 minutes of walking time, and cried the whole way. 
• I got a new mobile (an HTC Desire C). While this has been a very good thing by itself, I have become completely dependent on it for mp3, books, internet, even movies - all the things I'd been using as crutches for coping with the world. I'm afraid of the battery dying and I'm spending an alarming amount of time contemplating additional power supplies for my new God. 
• I've almost stopped crocheting and spinning, at least compared to my usual enthusiasm. I just don't seem to have the energy for it. Due in great part to....
• After the ATOS assessment, all three trips to Edinburgh, and a few other excursions as well, I was so drained of spoons that I was pretty much a lifeless zombie for the next 2-3 days. I don't even remember much about those days, just that Mum had to keep reminding me to eat, and had to ask if I'd taken my meds. This lifelessness doesn't seem to show any signs of going away, even though Psych said it was a process of building up my immunity to going out again. 

That's pretty much it for now. Beth is still an adorable fluffball and Pyro is still my darling baby girl. 

Second RAK... Already?!

Surprise RAK! For me that is! Yesterday I was up the town in the morning and nipped into the library to pick up the books I'd ordered in. The lady at the desk confessed she'd been rifling through the crochet books and that her daughter was expecting a baby in 6 weeks. One thing led to another and that afternoon when I headed back up to collect my prescription I dropped off three balls of baby yarn for her - plenty to make a wee jacket/hat/booties/mitts set. So there's 2 RAKs done already. :-D

First RAK

In the past couple of years I have learned to crochet and spin and - mostly through Ravelry - I have been fortunate enough to recieve many blessings. On Rav, these are often referred to as RAKs - Random Acts of Kindness.

To receive a pattern I had put on my wishlist would cheer me up considerably. To get a parcel in the post of some carefully considered item would keep me smiling for days. Sometimes the treasure would so touch my heart that every time I saw it I would feel the genuine kindness of the person who sent it. In a year in which my struggle with depression has been particularly bad, these moments of kindness have often formed a supporting web to buoy me up. And this year I very much wanted to pass on those feelings to others.

My first RAK of the year has been successfully completed. A Raveller, struggling with the rising costs of fresh foods in the USA, got us talking about growing your own. I wanted to send her seeds from my collection, but the import regulations and postage costs were truly baffling to me. So I found a seller on etsy who was in the States himself and whose lineup of seeds were organic heritage species. I let my enthusiasm over the photos get the better of me a bit and selected not only the mixed lettuces, but also the rainbow chard and the mixed tomatoes! And altogether it was still less that the cost of postage would have been from Scotland. The Raveller received her seeds yesterday and is planting some of the lettuce on the windowsill while she waits for spring to warm up her garden for the others!

I don't plan on limiting my RAKs to just Ravelry. But for the first one of 2013, I am pleased with the result.

Have some photos of the gorgeous organic heirloom veggies, available from Box Garden Organics.

All Star Gourmet Lettuce Mix Seeds Heirloom Organic

Swiss Chard Rainbow Mix Seeds Heirloom Organic

Super Surprise Mix Tomato Seeds Heirloom Organic

Official

I officially have Adult Onset Epilepsy.

How do I feel about this? I suppose I'm glad it's not any of the other things that could have been causing my symptoms. I think I'm adjusting so easily because so much of my life has already been spent dealing with chronic conditions, and because my siblings cope with it too. It helps that so many people have been supportive, and that I have the silver lining of that free bus pass to hold on to.

But mostly it sucks. I hate that I have yet another thing wrong with me. I hate that I'm so vulnerable now to my own body's idiosyncrasies. I hate that I have to take more tablets every day "for my own good". And I hate how accepting I am of it, as an admittance of how trained and wired my mind has become to Life screwing me over yet again.

Life that was already kinda fuzzy around the edges from the sleepiness caused by my antidepressants has been made worse by my antiepileptics. I'm back to that state I was in over the summer, having to sleep late and take naps in order to remain coherent while awake.

The good things that have happened have all been based around my fibre-addiction. I finished my Rusalka Cowl, and it's wonderfully warm. I went to the p/Hop in Glasgow and - asides from coming home with a smashing haul of yarn - I got to thus spend time with Shae and Lori (and meet the amazing Kia the Ocecat). Fibre-y parcels have been arriving regularly, as Secret Santas and Christmas ordering (I've been shopping on behalf of my family this year!) have been delivered. And I've been introduced to Livestream and Blogtalkradio through Namaste Farms - two venues of amazingly interactive learning.

In other news I'm jumping through the hoops of blood tests again to see how I'm doing one year on from being put on iron tablets. And I'll be getting new spectacles as of next week.

Icky, Grotty, Tired

This morning, the biggest fit I've had so far.

This afternoon, getting to meet my big bro's current partner while struggling with stuffiness.

This evening, full blown cold.

I am utterly exhausted. Please someone bring me new batteries.

Pretty waves on the Rusalka Cowl

In other news, I'm almost finished my Rusalka Cowl, and I spun a ginormous skein of yarn on the new CS2.

Remember, that bobbin holds a kilo!

A massive 510g skein!

 Now I'm going to suck some Strepsils and drink some warm tea.

New Wheel! So Shiney!

Isn't she beautiful?

Isn't she perfect?

Isn't she shiney?

Unwaxed bobbin parts on left for comparison.

She bloody well better be! This is nearly TWO WEEKS! of sanding, waxing, polishing, primping and preening. But she's so, so lovely. I can't wait to spin on her!
 

2nd Coat...

Yesterday I started the second coat of wax on the CS2. Unfortunately for me, the 2 coats are noticeably nicer than 1 coat. If it hadn’t been, I could have ducked out of doing more! sigh Waxing continues today.

I don’t think I’ll have the energy to do the three coats on the whole thing though - probably just the treadles and the parts that get the most “touching” during use.

Country Spinner Mark 2 Update

My CS2 and accompanying fluff arrived on Tuesday. I spent Tuesday-Thursday sanding and Friday-Sunday (this evening) waxing. And...

I FINALLY FINISHED WAXING IT!

That is, the first coat.

I’m so tired, and tomorrow I have the dentists AND an MRI. :-( Since it arrived on Tuesday all I’ve done in my free time is work on the wheel. I have to keep reminding myself that the effort I’m expending now will be worth it, and comparing the part I’m working on with my Traddy so that I think “Yup, still prefer the wax finish over the oil.”

I’ll take tomorrow off from the wheel. I’ll have my crochet with me for travelling and waiting-rooms. And when I get home I’ll just watch telly or read for a bit.

The ginormous bobbin is being left until after the wheel is assembled so I can have photos showing how the wax changes the raw wood, and will probably just get the one coat of beeswax for now.

The good news is that I can now judge that I’ll have enough beeswax in the tin to do the three coats I originally wanted. Whether or not I’ll have the spoons to do that remains to be seen.

Have some photos...