Beach Forage at Tammys

11th August 2013 - Backdated Post

Went to Carnoustie at Tammys invite to go beachcombing with some of the Dundee Mooters. It was a really great day - gorgeous weather, beautiful beach (with tons of shells and even hagstones!) and after a lovely long walk we headed back to Tammys house where she'd prepared delicious lentil and bacon soup for us all. I'd contributed a lovely crusty loaf (courtesy of Tescos) and a couple of cakes mysteriously appeared too. It was a reminder of times in Glasgow with potluck lunches and pagan happiness, a fresh page with a new place and new friends. It was very good.

Tammy - Our Hostess With The Mostess

Amazing Rock-Wave on Beach

Beautiful view over the rock-pools to the North Sea

The Happy Band of Beachcombers

The Great Weightloss Challenge

I'm not one for weightloss normally. I believe in being healthy, not being skinny. But since I got put on the anti-epileptic meds my weight has climbed dramatically and it's now far from healthy. True, a portion of that was due to cake (see, admitting you have a problem is the first step! :D ) but I generally need to bring my weight back down. So severe cut-back on all the sweet stuff. Increase the fruit and veg. And increase the exercise. I've created a ticker just to embarrass me into pursuing this wholeheartedly.

So if you see me chowing down on something naughty, just give me a disapproving look and ask how many I've had in the last week.

There But For The Grace...

Next Door has a daughter the same age as me. After I got my epilepsy diagnosis her Mum told us she had started having seizures - lots of them. She started jumping through the same hoops I had to, but the seizures were so frequent and so severe that she wound up in hospital in a coma for a few days. Yesterday they got the news that she has a large mass on her brain, although they don't know what kind yet or what kind of treatment they'll be attempting.

Remember when I was saying it could be worse? This is the worse. This is why there was a part of me in all that morass of upset about the diagnosis that was painfully glad of the reprieve.

Today I took my tablets and swallowed them gratefully.

Progress Update

I'm coming to a close on my therapy. Just three more sessions left. My therapist is very happy with my progress so far and I have to admit I am too. I'm no longer subconsciously afraid of leaving the house. I'm going out four or five times a week, at least to Asdas. I'm working on relying less on my coping mechanisms (I had developed a whole selection to allow me to shut myself off within my own head at need). I'm stuttering less, although it becomes really obvious when I'm stressed still, or faced with a sudden confrontation. My memory lapses are still continuing, although if I can stay calm I can sometimes work around them. And between a super-comfy recliner chair we got for me before Christmas, and my new mobile smartphone (with internet! and Japanese apps! and all sorts!!!) I'm spending a lot more time downstairs with the family too. This progress has all been marked by increased shows of trust from the family (which I don't think they realise they're doing) like being trusted on my own with Niece3, or being trusted to go pick up my lil sis when she takes a funny turn.

In six weeks, when I have my last therapy appointment, I'll be relying more than ever on the supporting framework of friends and family that I've been working on coming back into touch with.

RAK3 went off successfully. Technically I'd probably only count it half a RAK since I was selling a spinning wheel to a student in London who wanted very badly to progress from spindle to wheel but had a very limited budget. I had taken in an abused Traddy in early December and fixed it up beautifully. I sold it to her for about half what it would have fetched on ebay. That was the RAK part. I hope she gets a lot of joy from it - I know mine has brought me a whole new chapter of life!

My epilepsy meds are reaching their final dose level. They seem to be working okay. I'm still getting shakes, very very occasional absences, and a single small seizure, but the heavy twitches/jerks have gone, there's been no more big seizures, and the absences are much less frequent.

So all-in-all I think it's been a rather good sequence of improvements.  

Dealing with Getting Better

It's been a little over a month since my last post. Since then I've had several incremental increases in my epilepsy meds, received my bus pass, and had my ATOS assessment. I also got myself a bright lime green trolley bag (as in, what grannies use to go shopping) which has been a lifesaver.

Pros

• I made it to my ATOS appointment without totally bailing. While this was due in no small part to lil-sis agreeing to accompany me, I'm still proud of myself for going. 
• I've been using my bus pass and trying to go out of the house as many days a week as I'm up to. Often this is just to Asdas (which is where the trolley bag comes in so very handy) but it's still getting out of the house. 
• I've been over to Edinburgh three times. The first time, just before I received my bus pass, was to the January spinning guild meeting. Bro-in-law drove me over with the for-sale Traddy in the back and me a nervous wreck. I made it through okay without too much stress but on the way home after I completely ran out of spoons and ended up bailing on dinner with big-sis and bro-in-law. 
• The second time was after I'd received my pass. I went over to the Edinburgh museum with lil-sis and Niece3. We saw the Vikings exhibit (really good btw!) and although I ran out of spoons a couple of times, I had my new thermos filled with tea and I could just sit and have a cuppa for a bit. Explained to lil-sis what was up and it all worked out fine. We had a good time and then came home. 
• The third time I went to the February Guild meeting on my own. I dealt with the buses over there and back by myself. I found the venue with only a little panic. I remembered the faces (and some names) of people I'd talked to the previous month. I interacted well. Then I went back into the City Centre and on a whim joined the Edinburgh City Library. I briefly checked out the new Manga Mania shop. And then I came home. 

Cons

• At the ATOS assessment I was a nervous wreck. My memory completely failed and lil-sis had to help me answer some of the most basic questions. My stutter became quite pronounced and I was shaking so hard I had difficulty even holding the cup of hot chocolate from my thermos. My lack of spoons afterwards was so bad that on the last bit of going home lil-sis had to take my bags. If I'd been alone just for that bit (let alone any of the rest of it) I probably would have sat down by the side of the road, called for a taxi to take me the last 10 minutes of walking time, and cried the whole way. 
• I got a new mobile (an HTC Desire C). While this has been a very good thing by itself, I have become completely dependent on it for mp3, books, internet, even movies - all the things I'd been using as crutches for coping with the world. I'm afraid of the battery dying and I'm spending an alarming amount of time contemplating additional power supplies for my new God. 
• I've almost stopped crocheting and spinning, at least compared to my usual enthusiasm. I just don't seem to have the energy for it. Due in great part to....
• After the ATOS assessment, all three trips to Edinburgh, and a few other excursions as well, I was so drained of spoons that I was pretty much a lifeless zombie for the next 2-3 days. I don't even remember much about those days, just that Mum had to keep reminding me to eat, and had to ask if I'd taken my meds. This lifelessness doesn't seem to show any signs of going away, even though Psych said it was a process of building up my immunity to going out again. 

That's pretty much it for now. Beth is still an adorable fluffball and Pyro is still my darling baby girl. 

Second RAK... Already?!

Surprise RAK! For me that is! Yesterday I was up the town in the morning and nipped into the library to pick up the books I'd ordered in. The lady at the desk confessed she'd been rifling through the crochet books and that her daughter was expecting a baby in 6 weeks. One thing led to another and that afternoon when I headed back up to collect my prescription I dropped off three balls of baby yarn for her - plenty to make a wee jacket/hat/booties/mitts set. So there's 2 RAKs done already. :-D

First RAK

In the past couple of years I have learned to crochet and spin and - mostly through Ravelry - I have been fortunate enough to recieve many blessings. On Rav, these are often referred to as RAKs - Random Acts of Kindness.

To receive a pattern I had put on my wishlist would cheer me up considerably. To get a parcel in the post of some carefully considered item would keep me smiling for days. Sometimes the treasure would so touch my heart that every time I saw it I would feel the genuine kindness of the person who sent it. In a year in which my struggle with depression has been particularly bad, these moments of kindness have often formed a supporting web to buoy me up. And this year I very much wanted to pass on those feelings to others.

My first RAK of the year has been successfully completed. A Raveller, struggling with the rising costs of fresh foods in the USA, got us talking about growing your own. I wanted to send her seeds from my collection, but the import regulations and postage costs were truly baffling to me. So I found a seller on etsy who was in the States himself and whose lineup of seeds were organic heritage species. I let my enthusiasm over the photos get the better of me a bit and selected not only the mixed lettuces, but also the rainbow chard and the mixed tomatoes! And altogether it was still less that the cost of postage would have been from Scotland. The Raveller received her seeds yesterday and is planting some of the lettuce on the windowsill while she waits for spring to warm up her garden for the others!

I don't plan on limiting my RAKs to just Ravelry. But for the first one of 2013, I am pleased with the result.

Have some photos of the gorgeous organic heirloom veggies, available from Box Garden Organics.

All Star Gourmet Lettuce Mix Seeds Heirloom Organic

Swiss Chard Rainbow Mix Seeds Heirloom Organic

Super Surprise Mix Tomato Seeds Heirloom Organic